2016 is slowly loading and its turning out to be just another normal year. Well, now that the excitement of making new year resolutions has died out, we can engage in sober discussions about what we want the year to be like. As usual, and because I’m a nice person, I have some suggestions for the ladies. I’m going to give you a list of four unique gifts you should get yourselves this new year. These gifts are solely for your benefit, as well as that of humanity. And I will not even ask for a ‘Thank You’ when I’m done, but You’re Welcome anyway.
#4. Drop Those Weaves
If I had my way, I would ban weaves in the whole world. I mean, I don’t understand how a person could be so confident walking around looking like a sack of rotten tomatoes and shit. Have you ever met a lady that looks like a goddess front and rear but when you get closer for that hug, you’re hit by a cold smell of carcass coming from her head?
Or maybe, you’re in bed after a night out with this cute mami you picked up from the club and you’re undressing her and kissing her romantically on the neck and all is going well until you reach her neck. Then a whiff of the most putrid smell you’ve ever come across assaults your olfactory organ; leaving you feeling dazed and light-headed like a first-time weed smoker.
So this is my plea, in 2016, ladies, stay natural. Avoid weaves, and those other extra things some of you like injecting yourself with. I know you think you look good in them, but you only end up looking like a byproduct of Drake screwing Shiro from Auntie Boss.
#3. Buy And Read A Book
Let’s just agree that everyone should make it their priority to read something in 2016, Yes? There is power in Books – untapped power – just waiting for you to grab it. Start from anywhere, you could grab that ‘The River Between’ you stashed under your mattress after high school; or “The Cry of the Halidon” by Robert Ludlum that you always see lying around you sister’s house; or you could just pass by those numerous vendors in town or go to Bookstop in Westlands and ask for “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho; or if you’re an eBook person, you are in luck, there are plenty of eBooks on the internet. There are lots of kick ass eBooks available by Kenyan Writers like Abigail Arunga, Linda Musita, Oduor Jagero e.t.c.
That pair of trousers you’ve been buying for the last five years can wait this time round. Because it will only go 2-3 years tops, but a book lasts a lifetime. We have this Writers’ WhatsApp Group where we once invited Jackson Biko for a little pointers here and there, and he dropped this quote that has stayed with me ever since. “I believe a Man should read. But a Woman MUST read.” Let me just leave it at that.