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How to Okoa Kenya: First, Eat all the MPs; Then Eat Governors and MCAs; We Eat the President Last

Congrats Mr. President. You have succeeded in your mission to destroy the country

The Final Solution

Straight Outta the Republic of Corruption
A proposal straight outta the Republic of Corruption

This proposal is just crazy enough to work. Bear in mind that at this point, all  other non-crazy proposals you might think of have failed terribly. We even tried overhauling the entire government structure by adopting a new constitution. The great institutions we created in the new constitutions are now filled with people whose sole intention is to plunder. The president in his warped wisdom filled his administration with political rejects, bozos, irrational schizoids, nonstarters, economic vagrants who rape the treasury, riffraffs, and all shades of incompetent failures.

Why, I ask, would someone as thickheaded as Dennis Itumbi, whose brain is a piece of mahogany wood be a presidential adviser? What kind of advisors does president Kenyatta keep? Why would a lady like Phyllis Kandie become trade minister without knowing what COMESA is? Does William Ruto (She is from the URP wing) see something in this woman that all of us have failed to see in three years? I do not know a thing about her, but maybe, Uhuru and Ruto had a pact to bring in government one former mistress each. I am not surprised that tourism is on its knees bleeding dry. At least, Uhuru’s alleged side-dish did well before she became an ultra high-maintenance socialite.

Here is a full list of all the people who should be on this national feast; on the menu.

The National Feast

Ingredients: Onions, Salt to taste (No oil needed; they have fat).

Fry; then serve to 42 communities.

5. First, Eat all the MPs

parliament of kenya
The highest concentration of idiots per capita in Kenya is found here

This includes all women representatives, senators, and members of the national assembly, nominated and elected, plus two speakers for dessert.  They are many and can provide nourishment for many. There are two reasons why we have to eat them first:  One, there is 100% consensus that they are all evil buffoons led by two spineless speakers . Not a soul can be found to defend their actions. Even the devil’s advocate would blush were he to be asked to defend these clowns. Take a sucker like Aden Duale, the majority leader whose best attribute is his big mouth, which he interchanged with his as** and now speaks from both ends. Every day, he insults the intelligence of Kenyans by defending the indefensible.

The other reason we have to eat them first is that in their wicked craftiness , they might pass a law that prevents them from being eaten. As at this moment, there is not a law that prevents us from doing that. The way to capture them is to wait until they come down to local constituencies. That would ensure that the feast takes place across the nation.

4. Then Eat Governors and MCAs

governor corruption in kenya
Before and after pictures of governors

There are 94 governors and deputy governors. These are pompous individuals with extreme delusions of grandeur. They were elected to deliver devolved services but have squandered the opportunity instead opting for self-aggrandizement. It is not hard to spot them, they are mostly rotund individuals, who ride in big motorcades pulling even bigger scandals. MCAs are even easier to spot. They are all rotund and clueless.They are easy to capture. The trick is to announce a trip to Australia to benchmark Kangaroo farming. They can’t resist a foreign trip. Once they get to JKIA, we ambush them and immediately rip them apart and fry them for a national feast.

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