Once upon a time, in a not so distant past, sex was a sacred affair treated with utmost respect. That was until Kim Kardashian jumped into the pond and created ripple effects the world will never fully recover from. Welcome to the millennia, where morals are abandoned in the womb immediately after childbirth. Someone once said that in future, everyone would be famous for 15 minutes. A few days ago, DJ Crème decided it was his turn to break the internet and enjoy his 15 minutes of fame. It was actually like two and a half minutes. But WHY IN HELL WOULD YOU WANT TO MAKE A SEXTAPE? It seems everybody is hungry for their fifteen minutes on the stage due to an epidemic outbreak of the highly infectious Kardashiantisis syndrome. Now that I know you will still go ahead and make your own sextape and hope it ‘leaks’ someday, let me give you some tips that will save you the embarrassment and humiliation when your lame sexual athleticism is bared for the whole world to see.
5. Set Up an Enticing Background.
Have you ever noticed how the background in a news bulletin is always set up with a myriad of enticing designs and colours? That is not a coincidence; it is a deliberate action because they know that news bulletins can be long and boring. The beautiful backgrounds are there to distract the wapenzi watazamaji so that they don’t doze off.
The same applies to a sextape, you are there to broadcast your ridiculous sexual antics. It is therefore paramount that you make an effort to pimp the background, make it stand out like a movie set, so that we the audience can at least get a visual escape from the embarrassing scene being orchestrated by you and whatever thingy you are humping. DJ Creme’s sextape had M-Pesa like background. My first impression when the video opened was ‘this must be another cheap publicity stunt by Safaricom.’ On second look, I thought they were rubbing their bodies against the green walls of Afya Center. I still haven’t figured out where that set was located. You don’t want wapenzi watazamaji losing interest in your antics once the main show is over to start talking about the hole in which your carnal antics are shot from. You could use props or wall nets to cover up such kind of embarrassment.
4. Get a King Size Bed
This is how people watch sextapes. The first time, they are just trying to get a glimpse of the tools of trade and the faces of the participants. The second time, they start taking note of the sounds being made. The third time, their focus shifts to the surroundings, especially the bed and the beddings. First of all, blankets are a big No. A blanket on the set of a sextape gives the impression that it was shot inside a high school dormitory or those dingy sh.200 per night lodgings. If you want to make a good, impression on your wapenzi watazamaji make an effort to get a classy duvet.
Then comes the bed. In that sextape the bed looked so tiny, I thought they were humping in a baby cot. That is embarrassing. A sextape is a serious publicity affair so accord it the investment it deserves. A king sized bed is good for your reputation and resume. If a king sized bed is out of your range then go for something that covers a third of the room. If that is still is beyond your means, then consider using the floor or doing your hunky punky on a couch. If you choose the floor, make sure it has a carpet, even if it is PVC, anything but a bare floor. Lastly, make sure the slippers, basins, charcoal iron boxes, and the stove are hidden away from the camera’s range, you don’t want your finished sextape to have any of those items sticking out and making you look poor.