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6 Weird Things Kenyans Do When No One is Watching

3. Solo Photoshoot
Girls poseSince we have discussed one exclusive male behavior, lets, for the sake of fairness, look at one exclusively female behavior. After all, both genders have a right to be equally weird. Taking photos has become such a huge part of self-identity due to social media. After many years of being tools of male domination, a lady, through Facebook, can control how she is viewed. The trick is to present only the best angle. This takes dedication and a little ingenuity when it comes to taking photos. When left alone, a lady will turn the house into a photo studio contorting the body in front of the most deserving audience. The mirror. This will go on untill she gets a good enough pose to use the next time she asks a friend to take a photo. That is why its so important to like Facebook and Instagram photos of your girl friends because its nice to show a little appreciation after someone has spent 3 hours in front of the mirror trying different poses.

Another related preoccupation when ladies are alone is taking a perfect selfie. As you all know, taking a good selfie requires patience, a good camera angle, enough lighting to highlight important body parts, and photo-editing skills. A lady will take one hundred selfie photos then delete all of them and start all over. Being a lady is hardwork. Unfortunately, there is no science to explain this behavior. Sorry ladies, most of your weird behaviors cannot be explained by science.
2. Stalking your exes
That façade of composure and coolness that you put up in public tumbles the moment you are alone. When you are with your friends, you want them to believe that you moved on from your ex a long time ago. Then, the moment you log in to Facebook, the first place you rush to is to the profile of your ex from 2010. Assuming you have not been blocked for incessant poking. If you are the the thorough type, (politically correct term for obsessive) you find yourself so deep into his/her timeline that you end up seeing high school photos from back in 2005. Then disaster strikes. You accidentally click Like on a photo that is ten years old! So you have to deactivate your account and move to Iraq to join ISIS.

If your ex appears happy on Facebook, you feel a little jealous because you couldn’t give him/her that kind of joy when you were together. If he or she appears sad, or like they are having a hard time, you pat yourself on the back . Mission accomplished. Monster.But guess what, many people have mastered the art of making the appearance of being better off on Facebook and Instagram than they actually are. Someone could be surviving on roots fibers and drinking water in frog-infested ponds in Ngong Forest but you would never know because he or she is putting up a different façade on Facebook and Instagram. So every time, you stalk your ex, somehow you will end up feeling worse off.
1. Farting Loudly
IMG_20150222_163209Human beings are just weird creatures. After consuming a sumptuous meal, smelly gas builds up in the alimentary canal. Somehow, you have to get this waste gas out without offending your fellow humans. There is no code for how to do it. The general rule is, ‘don’t do it when you are with other people’. Or you can say f**k to general rules and do it silently. When alone, the freak in you emerges from the socialized creature society has trained you to be. You put in extra effort to make sure the gas makes a loud hoot on its way out and the then you smile with happy satisfaction.
You are weird.



Of course, there are other weird habits you have, feel free to share them in our comments section. If you liked this article, share your feedback in the comments section or on Facebook by clicking on the blue icon with an F. Also, we shall not call you weird if you share it with your weird friends.

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Paul Njuru is a resident contributor and the editor at

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2 Comments on 6 Weird Things Kenyans Do When No One is Watching

  1. 0


    Well clearly this got me laughing,some I happen to be the victim. Weirdo

  2. 0


    Nice. I liked it

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