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6 Weird Things Kenyans Do When No One is Watching

Interacting with people is an energy-sapping endeavor that leaves your energy levels depleted. At the end of the day, you collapse into a heap on your couch or your bed and then you can truly be yourself. The reason intreracting with people leaves you exhausted is because all along, you are not being yourself, you are playing a role. You often hear that the world is a stage, where everyone has a part to play. Your friends expect you to fulfill your character’s role without breaking it. If your role is to play the joker-comedian, you have to keep minting new jokes for them regardless of whether you were kicked out of your house for non-payment yesterday. If you are the womanizer, you are stuck with it for life. That is why it is so hard to change someone’s character without changing his or her friends. Pointedly, when you change for the better or worse, you inevitably lose almost all your friends because no one in your circle is ready to see you play another role. We are creatures of habit. When you finally get some time alone, you become your real self and then the freak show begins. Here are some things you do when you think you are not being watched.  With our secret big brother eye, we saw you do those little embarrassing things that you would never do when people are around.
6. Eating Food You Pick From the Floor

picking food from floorYou are sitting at your favorite food joint eating chapo-beef with your friends. Suddenly,  an invisible hand knocks one piece of chapo off your plate and it goes hurtling toward the floor. Arrhhg! If you are like most people, you will casually say ‘no big deal’ but inside you, you will be screaming with frustration at having wasted even one morsel of your overpriced albeit delicious meal.

Now, let’s change the scene, you are alone in the house eating the same food and the same thing happens. Without second thought, you bend and pick up the little fucker and thrust it into your mouth like nothing happened. Or you are popping njugu karanga in your mouth and one mischievous nut dives under the sofa. You hunt for the little dude till you find it and hurl it into your mouth. Then you will feel some sense of satisfaction that you would never feel by eating the remaining groundnuts. When it comes to eating food you have dropped on the floor, some people have a 5-second rule, others have a 5-minute rule, and yet others count time in terms of days. There is something amoral about wasting food. This instinct to eat all your food is a left-over of the hunter-gatherer days. In those days, food was hard to come by, you could not afford to waste any food you got. Furthermore, unless you have been rich all your life, you know food is still hard to come by even today. Hi campus guys. So go ahead and eating those morsels while no one is watching.
5. Poking Fingers in Your Nose
This is a carry-over from your childhood days when you would mine your nose for some boogers and eat the stuff. Talk of the body producing its own food. There is some real science behind this gross behavior. You see, the nose is filter organ, where many bacteria are filtered out by the boogers. When you eat the boogers, they go to your small intestines and act like medicine. Thanks science. For adults, it could be out of boredom or the mere fact that the nose is there, so why not poke a finger once in a while just to confirm the thingy protruding from your face is still there. According to a recent scientific study, nearly 90% of the respondents picked the nose often. So I bet you are not alone there. I totally had a joke about Eugene Wamwala’s enormous nose, but I don’t want ministers sniffing around this blog.
4. Sliding a Hand Down your Crotch
IMG-20141113-WA0004 This is an exclusively male behavior that I am sure leaves many women baffled. As soon as a guy tumbles on the coach, his hand automatically slides down there. While conducting this equipment check could be embarrassing for those around, guys are totally okay with it. When asked, men are at loss why they do it. The creative ones would say something like the little jewels are warm and the hands are cold so I need to warm the hands. Or the jewels are cold and my hands are warm, etc. In most cases, it happens subconsciously without even knowing you are doing it. Thanks to science, you can explain yet another of your little weird habits. The little bros down there are enclosed in a hot, sweaty, and hairy place. Placing your hand there is purely for comfort. Or you want to adjust the equipment. But there is indeed a more important reason why you do it. Rubbing your crown jewels triggers release of oxytocin, a hormone which helps calm your nerves. And just like that, all your anxiety disappears into thin air. And you wonder why men are always calm while women are always cranky. Now you know what to do the next time you feel anxious in front of an interview panel or during a presentation at work.

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2 Comments on 6 Weird Things Kenyans Do When No One is Watching

  1. 0


    Well clearly this got me laughing,some I happen to be the victim. Weirdo

  2. 0


    Nice. I liked it

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