#3. You Only Meet At Your House; You’ve Never Been To His House
When the dates are not taking place in some secret island in the Bermuda triangle, then he insists to come to your place, never his. He also insists on coming alone, never along with you and mostly at night, with a hood over his head in case some prying nosy neighbor recognizes him. Rarely will he sleep over, he has to go back home to the wife and kids after banging your clueless brains out. If your curiosity gets the better of you and you decide to follow him, you will only hit a dead end because he will switch cars upto 4 times, you will never figure out his route. If by any unfortunate chance you happen to find out where he lives, he will either break up with you suddenly, or simply move out to another place of residence
#2. He Has No Social Media
At least, that’s what he will tell you. He will tell you how he has outgrown Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, because he is a focused man who has time only for you and his job. This will be the excuse he will throw at you when you try to take a picture of the both of you, that he loves keeping things private, that he doesn’t like exposing himself and the people he cares about on social media, he will give you scary reasons like “The government uses information in social media to spy on people” and you will buy all that with a smile thinking how lucky you are for getting such a smart man in your life. You are a mpango wa kando my lady.
#1. His Phone is off limits
His phone is ever on his person, at all times, and when he puts it down it’s is always locked with two passwords that are stronger than the ones protecting the nuclear launch codes. He gets fidgety and restless when you touch it, and will never willingly give you the passwords. If he does give the passwords to you, you will immediately realise that his photo gallery, his messages, his whatsapp and phonebook are all hidden. Another sign could be that the inbox is empty except for your messages to him and those ‘Dear Customer…’ messages from Safaricom. The new android version even allows for people to create guest profiles where you will only have access to his candy crush and temple run. You also don’t want to find out how he has saved you in that phonebook. Most Probably, it’s a male name. The woes of being a mpango wa kando.
If you loved this story, you can read more interesting stories written by the same guy like 5 Things That Tell You She is NOT the One or 5 Things an African Man Should Never Do or 5 Stages in the Life of a Kenyan Feminist
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Eugene Kaana is a resident contributor at Rasqoh.com. He also runs Sky Lens Media, a professional photography company. You can pay him a visit here on his Facebook to see some of his cool pictures.