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5 Stages In The Life of A Kenyan Feminist

Njoki Chege

Njoki Chege, the embittered spinster who churns out vitriol to insult men is the symbol of feminism gone wild in Kenya. We are aware that there was a meeting between the devil, Nation Media and this woman, where the trio signed a secret memorandum of understanding. As part of this evil pact, Njoki Chege has been baptising girls and discouraging them from dating Kenyan men in the name of feminism. For those of us who paid attention in our biology classes, there was something called Metamorphosis, a term coined to harass students as well as mean change. It is a process that nearly all members of the animal kingdom undergo in life. It is the transitioning from one stage of life to the next. A good example is a butterfly, it starts off as an egg, then it morphs into a caterpillar and finally into that brightly speckled flying creature that people love drawing as tattoos and writing poems about. Much in the same way, no woman is born a feminist. They start as perfectly good girls. The metamorphosis comes in the following 5 stages.

Stage 1: Sweet Sixteen, The Discovery Stage (14-17)

sweet flower
Isn’t she sweet? Don’t Deflower

This is the stage where fear and confusion reign supreme with mixed results. A female in this stage starts noticing changes in her anatomical structure, she starts off by wearing baggy sweaters to cover the protrusions on her chest. For many, this is usually a very embarrassing, but they eventually grow out of it. That’s the good part.

The bad part starts when she notices how hot blooded members of the opposite sex begin giving her something she has never experienced before, Attention, every woman’s favorite drug. It is how she handles this attention that determines whether she will end up as a nun or the opposite. If she becomes reserved and afraid of the male species, then she will come out of this precarious stage unscathed. But woe unto her if she starts feeding off this attention, the hyenas will crowd around her and a few lame lies later, she will be familiar with ceilings of all bedsitters in the hood. Every hood has them, underage girls with Sabina Joy credentials. This is the stage that makes or breaks a woman. The birth place of socialites, hoes, diggers, (we are talking about farm tools here).

  1. The Miss Attitude Stage The (19-25)

black woman on couch

This is that stage where they cannot be told. Hawawezi ambiwa. 18 years and  Fresh out of high school with a doubled up value and self-esteem that is made worse by the acquisition of a national ID card. A girl on fire! The  first victims of her newly imported attitude are the hood boys she was with in primary school, they suddenly become little boys. She will curtly put  a stop to their advances by a simple “enda fukuza wasichana wa class 7, I don’t roll with little boys”. The only boy she would dare be seen with has to be a campus fella.

Then she hits 19 and joins University and her attitude gets another 10 floors, you will need an elevator to reach the peak. She now upgrades from her campus fella to her father’s agemate. The kilemba she came with from Dondori or Matundura  is quickly replaced by Bolivian weaves and Abuja hair, the hand-stiched pullovers are replaced with tank tops, she will even get a tattoo of a Chinese letter she knows nothing about on her now bleached skin. Suddenly her stomach develops strategic ulcers that are  against njahi, beans and other assorted forms of mashakura that she grew up on. Don’t even mention ugali or githeri to her. She now only tolerates sauted broccolis and red steak from Hilton, Pizza and Burgers from Java, she even develops a taste for lattes from Art Café, this fancyness is wrapped in one foreign accent she picked from the many TV series she spends her evenings watching.

With such an expensive lifestyle she has no time for the campus cafeteria gang that spends Sh. 18  bob per meal, she only rolls with the big wheelers. A woman without limits, she cannot be told.

Now, good people, if a woman is not married, engaged to be married, or at least in a serious relationship by 25, a strange thing happens.  Beyond this point, the possibility of becoming a feminist shoots to 75% from 15%.Now we are getting into the red zone.

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2 Comments on 5 Stages In The Life of A Kenyan Feminist

  1. 0

    0

    This is utter bullshit! Who gives you the right to place expiry dates on women? The reason society still thinks like this is because of a mentality like yours. Educate yourself, being a feminist is about much more than bashing men. Kindly do your research before writing about a topic.

  2. 0

    0

    This is an excellent description of these women who think they will live to be Golden goddesses in this world only to end up as miserable demons trying to break all relationships on earth.

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