Nairobi, Kenya ♦ 12th December, 2015 ♦ 10:50:21 AM
If you blame the stars for not directing you to your soulmate, then you have a big problem, because stars are really just balls of burning flames. They have no brains or superpowers to plan your life. So stop depending on the goddamn flames and start doing something to spruce up your dating skills. But don’t worry, at least here at Rasqoh.com, we are your friend and we shall help you. If it makes feel better, there are many people who suck at this game. Here are some pointers that you suck at this whole boy meets girl thing.
5. You Have Sex By Accident. Every Weekend
In my biology classes, I never heard a boy’s love missile could swerve and accidentally crush into a girl’s a cock dock. Never happens. Too much to drink; that is always what you blame after sleeping with a person two decades your senior. But have you asked yourself whether you wanted to be liquored up by this antique so that you could at least get laid? Others excuse their character by saying sex is their game. Believe me, when I say they actually have a problem expressing themselves. A date should be more than springing into bed and promptly humping like sex starved rabbits . It should be about having pleasant conversations over coffee or dinner, when both parties are sober for clear judgment. If you find yourself scrolling your contact list texting people whom you have had sex with once last year, then it’s time you accepted you might have a small problem in your hands. That small problem is called ‘Fear of commitment’.
4. You Have Been Waiting for ‘my type‘ Since 2005
We might have a robot president sooner than some people will get a ‘my type’ date. If you keep rejecting all the people in your circle, then you probably are the jerk. Ok. We said we are your friends; friends are allowed to call you jerk, right? There’s no dating formula that I know of, unless Dr. Cupid wrote a thesis that I don’t know of. Just go out and have fun. There’s no life rehearsal. Socializing and having an open mind is the only way to get a good date. Obviously, you will make mistakes, but eventually, you will attract the one you like. And please don’t lie to yourself that the good or beautiful ones haven’t been born yet, that is a catch phrase we use to confuse high school kids so they focus on dissecting frogs in laboratories instead of dissecting each other’s bodies. If you are over 30 and still using that line, you need prayers from the pope himself, who by the way, is as single as you.
3. You Always Need a Wingman
Or a wing-girl (Gender equality). Wing men and wing girls are mostly useful for beginners. If you are 20 something, just go right ahead and say hi. No deaths has been recorded from people being told, “Sorry, am not interested.” Of course, you could become the first, but we can almost guarantee that the worst that can happen is embarrassment. Embarrassment is not listed by the World Health Organisation as one of the fatal conditions. Have you not heard that persistence got the poor farmer’s son a princess? Fine, don’t google; I made that one up. But courage and persistence does get big things. Even things that might seem impossible to get. If you think your pal, who you constantly refer to as your ‘partner in crime’, is all the confidence you need, we have bad news for you. If you are a lady and you are still waiting to be approached by that guy you keep ogling at in the office, please check your calendar because this is certainly not 1998. Walk to their desk and ask them out. Powerful women attract powerful men. He could be just that powerful man, unless the confidence you exude intimidates his ego. Your friends won’t be always there for you so learn to depend on yourself.