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5 Hilarious Reasons Why Kenyans Hate Going To The Village

3. Witchcraft

dark forces
One guy who knows that dark forces are real

Believe it or not, there are Kenyans who still believe in magic and witchcraft, and the ability of perceived enemies to use it to undo their success. Even among the learned, a good number of people still believe in the supernatural, and no one wants to provoke the owners of dark forces by taunting their wealth and beautiful children at them. That is why most Kenyans tuck away their wealth and families in beautiful sub-urban neighborhoods, and plan only one trip to the village on the last week of December, when the villagers are so busy with celebrating christmas that they forget to bewitch you.

2Old Animosities 

GUY SITTINGThere are guys who cut loose all ties to their ancestral homes. These are the guys who pretend to receive phone calls when you’re talking about your village visits on January. Maybe it’s because of money, or the parents don’t approve of their romantic partners, or even payback for unmet childhood needs. Christmas is a nightmare for these people. As everyone rushes to go to the village, they are begging their bosses not to close the office during the festive season.

1. Utajenga Lini?

no house
“I will just sleep in the car”

Despite the pretty sights and the fancy foods you see on peoples’ Instagram accounts, most of these guys haven’t built a house or made any real investments in the village. And it gets weird when you visit, and you are forced to sleep in the little mud hut where you were circumcised in, or worse, in the house you grew up in as your parents sleep in the next room. I have seen people who have to book hotels and lodges in the nearest towns whenever they visit home. For many of such people, it’s convenient to just stay in the city and continue blowing their earnings on liquor, food, women, and expensive trips.

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Robert Mayore is a resident contributor at Currently, he is winding up his computer science degree. He is also the social media administrator here at 

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