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5 Hilarious Reasons Why Kenyans Hate Going To The Village

why kenyans hate going back to village

Every Friday and Saturday evening, damsels and young men congregate in clubs for a weekly ritual called clubbing. It involves dancing and drinking to pulsating and electric music. In the village, Friday evening is just another normal evening. You milk the cows and sit around the fireside talking about the days events; mostly the weather. All days are the same in the village except Sunday when you adorn your best outfit and saunter to the church or to the shopping center. Surprisingly, the damsels you see on the streets of the city and major towns only make one single pilgrimage to the villages that brought them up; During Christmas. You’d think that these hardworking Kenyans would want to rush to the village and spend time with their cherished kin, but that is far from the case. Kenyans residing in urban areas actually dread going back to the village, even for a few days. These are the reasons why.

5. Utaoa lini?

utaoa lini
The one question maina kageni will never answer

This is a big source of worry for Maina Kageni and other master level bachelors. While most of the urban youth are okay with waiting for their perfect match, folks in the village aren’t usually very patient. Parents drop clever hints like “We are getting old” or “How nice would it be to have grandchildren.” The grandies may not afford you such a luxury. Your cucu will shamelessly tell you “You are getting old; you need to find a wife/husband”

And it’s not their fault, our parents married or got married when they were teenagers, and they may not share our values on love and marriage. In Kenya, the concept of LOVE  was only discovered in 1950s and marrying for love was considered revolutionary until 1970s.All marriages before 1950s were probably arranged. And until 1990s most people married  because they wanted to start a family, or because they were getting old. Nowadays, you can’t meet someone and commit your life to them, you have to know them first. We recently discussed How to know she is NOT the one. So unless Cupid does something, these bachelors aren’t going to be seen in the village except during Christmas and funerals.

4. People Expect You to Solve All their Money Problems

burning money
How people back in the village think you live

Everyone loves being treated like a small king when they go back to the village, but there is a limit. The ululations, the celebrations, the crowds of people you don’t know who are suddenly happy to see you, the embarrassments as a complete stranger tries to fix you up with her daughter. But all that is a ploy to make you part with cash. Tricky folks. It’s already bad enough with the existence of M-pesa, because every few days you have to send a some cash because the cow keeps getting sick. But wait till you get home. You’ll be duly briefed of every problem that is anticipated to occur within the next six months, both real and imagined, and everyone will expect you to solve them.

The fact is, most guys in the City have the same struggles as those in the village, if not worse. The meagre salary isn’t enough to pay for rent, utilities and food, and most have to supplement through side hustles. So believe me, most people don’t want to go to the village and come back sinking in debt. 

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