The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown. That is what a wise man once said. Men are tough creatures, we were built to withstand hard situations and we pride ourselves in this ability to hold our nerves and keep our emotions in check when circumstances get a little bit too much. I am not talking about being attacked by lions or a terrorist attack. Those ones we can handle. I am talking about the everyday situations that we never want to face. Here are the 5 most scary encounters that a man faces at least once in his lifetime.
5. Encounter With a Virgin
Men love to regale people with tales of their bedroom conquests. They go to great lengths to awe their peers with embellished tales of their prowess in bedding women. But there is one part of their stories they rarely talk about; their encounter with a virgin. Contrary to popular myth, taking a girl’s virginity sounds good only in theory. In reality, it is a nightmare that ends up like a scene from Fear Factor. First comes the struggle, there she is lying on the bed, nubile and naked, you are eager and ready, the heart thumping and pumping blood to the right corners. Unbeknownst to you, a flood of second thoughts, regrets, and doubts are screaming in her head, one wrong move, and she is back into her tight jeans pronto.
Then comes the next part of this eerie show; penetration. Your eagerness slowly transforms into frustration as she keeps moving and crying, “tujaribu siku ingine.” It’s like playing pool with a constantly moving hole. You are there trying to find a way in, and in the process you expense so much energy that by the time you get in, the tyre is half flat. The show slides into a gruesome tussle and tumble and then blood splurts out. Coming into contact with someone else blood is one experience that melts even the bravest hearts. Most of us end up confused, torn between whether to call for an ambulance or run to the nearest police station and turn themselves in for murder. There she is, sobbing, and cursing you for hurting her. And there you are, your head hanging in remorse and silent shame and regret. The worst decisions you have ever made slowly rewinding in your mind, and cursing that thing between your legs. So if you have been wondering why we don’t love talking about our encounters with virgins, you at least know why.
4. A Pregnancy Scare
By their very nature, women are part human and part Lucifer, but there is a breed of women who have already metamorphosed into full blown Lucifers. It’s unsettling to see the lengths some women are willing to go, just to put your commitment on the scale. Of the many devilish ways to do this, they always resort to the scariest one; a pregnancy scare. You have been seeing this beautiful lass for a year and a half, without showing any signs of taking it to ‘another level.’ In the meantime, she is asking herself half a million questions in her head. With time, these questions slowly turn into a plan, a plan to scare the living daylights out of you. So she comes up with the bombshell “Babe, I am pregnant”.
That is the one moment when both heads of a man sober up. Events of the past one and half year start flashing before your eyes searching for that day where you failed to use a condom. They keep replaying in your head while you are staring at this creature standing in front of you, speechless. By the time you respond, she has already collected enough data to decide whether she can withdraw the statement with a laugh or go ahead with that evil game just to see how far you can go. By the time you realise it was just a scare you have parted with some 30k and she is rocking new shoes, new dresses, and a new Peruvian weave. I hope there is a special place in hell supervised by Lucifer himself for these kind of creatures.