#3. Call From Your Girlfriend
Personally, I don’t care much for this lovey dovey business. Explains why I’m still single and searching [Okay, part of it also has got to do with the fact that I’m a sadistic asshole and ladies hate me]. I hold and stand by the opinion that women are crazy. Take that to the bank.Now I don’t know about you, but gut cringes whenever I hear lovers tell each other all that “I love you too” isht next to me. Like, guys, please, spare that shit for the bedroom. We don’t need to know how amazing your relationships are.
#2. Call From Someone You Owe Money
A friend of mine told me I look like a man who has a lot of debts. And you know what? I wasn’t even mad; because it’s true. Mwanaume ni madeni! If there is anything that defines a man, its debts. Have a lot of debts. Borrow from your best friend, borrow from your girlfriend, borrow from your Mama Mboga, hell, borrow from that Waitress at your local watering hole. I am sure the first thing prehistoric men did upon crawling out of caves was to borrow a few dung-beetles (or whatever they were using as currency) from their friends. You don’t want to end this proud tradition by living within your means.
But look here, C’mon guys…you can’t be blowing up my phone when I’m in those rowdy Umoinner buses and expect me to pick up. ‘Cause when I do, I’m probably gon’ have to tell you the same old story of “My Boss hasn’t paid me yet, you know how he is” and then you’ll get raving mad and I’ll get mad too then nobody will go home happy, aye? And also, I don’t want to lose the respect of my fellow passengers, who I just met only thirty minutes ago.
#1. Phone Calls From That Annoyingly Crazy Friend
We all have that one crazy out-of-the-box kind of friends; those ones that you will visit at 9 in the morning and immediately start setting up a pot of Shisha, with a glass of Whiskey in hand. Or those ones that will always make everything sound so gross and then laugh loudly about it. Or those ones that will text you on a Monday morning asking “Form ni gani?” On a bloody Monday morning!
You know you have a crazy friend and a conversation is about to take an absolute turn for the worst when a buddy of yours calls you and when you pick up, he growls “Bruuuuuhhhhh” in that crooked voice men do. Then you know he’s about to brag to you about how amazing last night was with Betty and his date with Cecilia from the office tonight and how good Jessica is at sexting. This is a phone call you don’t want to answer in public. Especially if you’re one of those folks who can’t even say ‘ass’ without looking over your shoulder.
If you loved this story, you can read more interesting stories written by Ian and other great writers here like 5 Annoying Habits Kenyans Should Stop In WhatsApp Groups, 4 Types Of Ladies You Should Avoid In A Club,and Ladies, Here Are 4 Gifts You Can Give Yourselves In 2016
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Ian Duncan is the latest writer to join Team Rasqoh.com. When he is not thinking about the ladies, he writes cool stuff at his ianreal blog. He'll probably want to write a novel in future. Currently, he is doing I.T in JKUAT.